Friday, February 11, 2011



Last week we got really honest with ourselves. We all want to better ourselves, yet to do so means that we must admit to our weakness. In order to really transform our lives on a profound level in body, mind, and spirit, we have to look within. Self acceptance is critial component of our growth. Most of us have walls so high and layers so deep that we live in an almost numbed state. We walk around in a fog of distraction making it hard to change our patterns of action because of the disconnect from ourselves.

The first step to moving forward and living your most authentic life is accepting that you are not responsible for someone else’s hurtful or negative behavior, but you are accountable for your reaction to it and how you allow it to affect your life.

It is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you!

Although you can’t change the past, you can use pain or past trauma as a catalyst for creating the most extraordinary life ever, if you choose to!
I don’t know about you , but most of us who have gone through tough times were shaped and molded by those times. Those times have either made you stronger or weaker by your perception. What lessons did those times give you? What did you learn about yourself? How can we avoid those situations in the future?

Some situations are out of our control which is one of the biggest reasons we develop fear. Fear of losing control! However, we are responsible for all our emotions, whether they’re negative ones such as envy, jealousy, insecurity,procastination,guilt, anger, resentment, or anxiety; and postive ones like patience, forgiveness, compassion, love, strength, understanding, motivation, or empathy.

It is a natural human condition to alleviate pain in whatever way we know how or have learned through watching our parents cope growing up. Even doctors prescribe us medication to numb ourselves. If you have never been taught how to communicate effectively and find resolution to your problems, more than likely you are going to deal with it in an unhealthy way. This cycle is so important to break , especially for those of us who have children now. The way you are dealing with life right now is having an impact on your children. Learning how to break the cycle is just as important for you as it is for you teaching your kids how to cope with life.

 One of the hardest things for me now as a parent is to watch my son experience the hardships of life. It is really hard not to want to step in and control things, however ,it is important that we guide them in a healthy way but sometimes allow for tough love and let them learn how to effectively cope and allow for healthy communication. You can easily see patterns in your children’s coping skills. Are they a reflection of how you handle things?

How do you cope? Do you numb it with a tub of ice cream, anesthetize it with alcohol, drugs,distract it with t.v, internet, elude it by finding someone new to love, gossip, shop and gamble beyond our means, or spend years living in anger and resentment.

Making peace with yourself is liberating!

When someone can evoke extreme emotions within us, we must realize that it’s never really about them or the situation we’re in. Our defensive reaction is because the other person has triggered an association to a past pain, which is a feeling we would do anything to avoid. He or she has hit a nerve, or trigger- a fear deeply embedded in our psyche. If you often find yourself upset, let down, or trying to control others (using anger,perfectionism, manipulation, or excessive pleasing), you need to look at your deepest fears about yourself. Until we are willing to rise above our past, our triggers, fears, and guilt; they will keep resurfacing and manifesting themselves in our lives.

Addictions of all kinds like food, alcohol, and self sabotage are simply coping mechanisms that we develop to allay those fears. The numbness may have subsided but the reality of why the addictions or bad habits was orginally formed is still buried deep within us. And no matter how much we want to make changes on the outside , until we do the work on the inside, we will all eventually fall back into old patterns.

As long as we have attachments and judgements about who we wish we were, or our self-defeating ego tells us we are- we can be triggered and we will continue to try to escape the shame and feelings of inadequency. Once you face your truth that no one or nothing has power over you and you are completely responsible for your own actions and your own choices. Once you own your reactions you can own your choices and you don’t have to turn to food or destructive behaviors to escape your fears!

Here is an exercise to do when experiencing fear: Practice feeling it instead of feeding it.

 Focus on your breathing by taking controlling deep breaths, and ask yourself honestly what am I most afraid of right now? What fear has this person or situation triggered in me?


Eat balanced diet with the right amount of healthy fats
Stay youthful by stimulating your natural growth hormone by – exercising, getting restful sleep, don’t eat after 7:30pm or within 3 hours of going to bed, avoid sugary food , especially in evening, because it halts your release of growth hormone because of excess insulin.
Become body aware. Identify the physical signs that your body sends to you when your upset.
Send energy to the things that light you up and make you feel wonderful; and stop exerting energy trying to hide, cover up, and justify who you are.

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